


Blue in the Ocean of Grey

by Flavortext



Series: Beaujester Week 2019 [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A tiny bit, Angst, Beaujester Week, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Just a bit!!, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 09:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19989607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flavortext/pseuds/Flavortext
Summary: A breakdown of communication with a happy ending.





	Blue in the Ocean of Grey

**Author's Note:**

> TW for a little bit of guilt on Beau's end for her sexuality/feelings for Jester.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Is all Jester says. Beau stands, shock still, in the middle of their room.

“Don’t ask me that.” She spits. She’s staring out at the balcony. Nugget whines from his spot on Jester’s bed. Beau curls her hand into a fist. 

“You told Caleb and Fjord, so when were you going to tell  _ me, _ ” Jester says. She’s sitting in her nightgown, cross-legged on her bed. If it were possible for Beau’s heard to go colder than it had when Jester had stormed past her and Fjord in the market as she’d been, well,  _ lamenting _ her newly self-admitted love for the woman, it does now. 

“I wasn’t, okay?” Beau says finally, turning to continue her previous pacing of the room. Jester, like before, doesn’t say anything. “How could I? What he have-had- we were  _ so _ good, Jessie. Roommates. Besties. Whatever. How could I throw all that away?” Beau throws her hands up, staring out into the dark sky of Rhossana. She wishes she could see the stars. She never really cared about them, but it would be nice to  _ see _ something. Behind her, she thinks she hears Jester crying. She’s trying to be quiet. Beau doesn’t turn around. 

“You really thought-” Jester starts, stops, breathes out heavily, and starts again. “Beau, are you ashamed to love me?” 

Beau turns around fast as lightning. “ _ Ashamed? _ ” She doesn’t mean to raise her voice, but Jester flinches anyway. Beau makes herself breathe. “I’m, I’m sorry. I’m only  _ ashamed _ that I- I feel like I’m taking advantage. Of this.” Beau waves a hand at the room around them. Nugget wags his tail,  _ thump-thump _ on Jester’s silk sheets. 

“How so?” Jester sounds genuinely confused. 

“Like, living together, being close to you all the time, saying ‘goodnight’ and ‘I love you’ and-” Beau’s voice breaks. “Somewhere along the line I started telling myself it was okay, to love you because we do everything a couple would do besides kiss or share a bed- we have a  _ dog _ together, and I know that’s unfair to you but I started telling myself I could be happy with that.” Beau stumbles forward and sits on her own bed, half-turned away from Jester. There’s a long pause. 

“You’re right,” Jester says, slowly. Her voice has leveled, softened. Beau breathes. She hates that the very tone of it is enough to calm her, even if the  _ words _ should make her heart feel crushed. “You’re right that that was unfair to me, Beau.” Jester continues, “But not for the reason you think.” She says. Beau turns looks at her quizzically. 

“Huh?” 

“It was  _ unfair _ of you to assume that you loving me would ruin what we had. I thought you’d trust me more than that.” Jester says. Beau wants to curl up. Her blood pumps heavy in her ears. “It’s  _ unfair _ of you,” Jester says, carefully, “to assume that I wouldn’t love you back.” 

Somewhere, Beau is sure she hears something shatter. Maybe it's inside her. 

“ _ Huh? _ ” She says, ever eloquent. 

“You really are  _ dumb _ sometimes, Beau.” Jester straightens her legs, not quite standing from the bed but preparing to. Her tail unwinds from around her leg, twitching nervously. 

“I am?” Beau asks, because what else can she say. Jester smiles, just a bit. 

“Only sometimes. Right now.” She says. “Because, you really should have told me, and it could have been a whole sweet moment, maybe you’d have planned it all out, brought me flowers, or something.” Jester very slowly stands, starts to take a step towards Beau. “Instead of me overhearing you saying how you hated being in love with me. Because that didn’t feel very good, even though I know you didn’t mean you hated  _ me. _ ” 

“I don’t,” Beau says, dumbfounded. Jester giggles. 

“I  _ know. _ ” She says. She’s only a foot away, now. Beau feels tension buzzing under her skin. 

“I don’t understand.” She says, making herself look up into Jester’s face. 

“I’m saying- I wish you’d have told me because then it would have been this whole romantic moment and we’d have kissed in the sunset- well,” Jester looks out at the dark sky. “You know, or something.” 

“We would have?” Beau asks. Jester smiles down at her. 

“If you’d done it right. Because of course, I love you back, silly.” Jester reaches past the gap between them, which to Beau feels like it might be as difficult as reaching across the widest sea. But she takes Beau’s hand where its nearly white-knuckled on her knee and wraps her own cool fingers around it. 

“Oh,” Beau says, looking as the color rushes back into her hand. Jester squeezes, gently. “You do?” She looks up into violet eyes. 

“Yeah, I do, Beau,” Jester says. She wipes a little at her eyes with her free hand. 

“So I kinda messed that up, huh?” 

“It’s fixable.” Jester tucks some hair behind her ear. 

“It is?” Beau’s voice cracks. Jester takes a small step closer, holding Beau’s hand. 

“I mean, I could conveniently forget what I overheard, and you could confess to me in some super romantic way right now because you love me so much you can’t keep it from me any longer.” Jester is blushing, but grinning at Beau now all the same. Beau finds herself smiling back dumbly. 

“Uhh, okay.” Beau’s mouth feels dry and fuzzy suddenly, but she’s caught up looking into Jester’s expectant eyes. “Um,” Beau glances at their joined hands. “Jester, I, uh, I love you?” Beau lets that hand in the air, watches the flash of shock at the bluntness turn to an excited giggle before she plunges onwards. “I love you- as a friend but also more than that. I want to kiss you and hold you and, ya know, you’re just the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen? And you’re so badass and save my life all the time, and you’re funny and strong and just, really pretty?” Beau feels confidence growing as Jester blushes, barely meeting her eyes. “And I’ve been in love with you for what feels like a really long time, and I never want to be apart from you, and you kinda just said you maybe loved me back so I guess- would you want to try being more than friends?” Beau bites her lip.

“Yes!” Jester says, loud enough that Nugget jumps to his feet. Beau gapes at Jester a little, brain still not totally caught up with their conversation and still dumbfounded by her answer. 

“Cool.Chill.” She manages. Jester laughs, tugging on Beau’s hand until Beau leans forward into her arms. Jester’s chest is soft and makes a very nice cushion. Beau closes her eyes as the tiefling runs her fingers through Beau’s hair. “So, uh, what now?” Beau says, carefully bringing her arms up to wrap around Jester’s middle. Jester giggles, taking Beau’s face in her hands and tilting it up. 

“I really want to kiss you. And maybe we should push our beds together, there’s really no point in making Nugget choose every night.” Jester says. Beau nods, transfixed on Jester’s eyes sparkling in the lamplight, and the thumbs gently pressing into her cheeks. 

“Okay.” She says, barely over a whisper. Jester leans in, bumping their noses together. Beau closes her eyes, waits. Jester takes a moment, tension building in her fingers, before it slowly drains, like a long-awaited sigh, and she presses their lips together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Check out Beaujester-week on tumblr for all the content !!!   
> I can be found @transfjord on tumblr as well :)   
> Kudos and comments make me really happy <3


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